What Is a Rule of Life, and How Do I Write One?

Good Intentions Are Not Enough

Most Catholics want to pray more, read Scripture, go to Confession regularly and live their faith better. Yet good intentions tend to fade. Life gets busy, and the things that matter most get pushed aside by the things that shout loudest.

A rule of life is one of the oldest and simplest remedies. It is a short written plan for how you intend to live your faith: what you will do daily, weekly, monthly and yearly to stay close to God.

Where the Idea Comes From

The word “rule” comes from the Latin regula, which originally meant a straight stick used for measuring, like a ruler. A rule of life is not a set of restrictions so much as a measure, something that keeps your life straight.

The most famous rule is the Rule of St Benedict, written in the sixth century for monks. It sets out a balanced daily rhythm of prayer, work, study and rest. Benedict called it “a little rule for beginners,” and it has guided monasteries for nearly fifteen centuries.

Many religious orders have their own rules. But spiritual writers have long encouraged lay people to make a personal rule suited to their own lives. St Francis de Sales, in his Introduction to the Devout Life, gave lay people practical advice of exactly this kind.

Why It Helps

A rule of life does several things.

It turns wishes into habits. Deciding once, in a calm moment, what you will do saves you from deciding every day when you are tired.

It brings balance. Writing a rule makes you look at your whole life: prayer, family, work, rest, service. It shows where things are out of proportion.

It is realistic. A good rule fits your actual life, not someone else’s. A mother of small children and a retired widower will have very different rules.

It gives freedom. Paradoxically, structure frees you. You no longer have to wonder whether you have prayed “enough.” You have done what you committed to.

Principles for Writing One

Before the template, some principles.

Start small. The most common mistake is to write an ambitious rule and abandon it within a fortnight. It is much better to commit to ten minutes of prayer and do it every day than to commit to an hour and do it once a week. You can add more later.

Be specific. “Pray more” is not a rule. “Pray the Morning Offering when I wake up and ten minutes of lectio divina before breakfast” is.

Fit your state in life. Your duties to your spouse, children and work are themselves part of your path to holiness. A rule should never make you neglect them.

Write it down. A written rule is far more likely to be kept.

Review it. Look at your rule every few months, perhaps at the start of Advent and Lent, and adjust it.

Share it with someone. If you have a spiritual director or confessor, show it to them. They can tell you if it is too heavy or too light. (See How Do I Find a Spiritual Director?)

A Simple Template

Here is a template you can adapt. Choose only what fits; you do not need something in every line.

Daily

Morning: a short morning offering, offering the day to God.
Prayer time: a set time of personal prayer (10–20 minutes is a good start), perhaps with Scripture. (See How Do I Build a Daily Prayer Routine?)
During the day: a brief prayer at a fixed point, such as the Angelus at midday, or grace before meals.
Evening: an examen or examination of conscience before bed.
Family: a short prayer with your spouse or children.

Weekly

Sunday Mass, kept as a day of rest and family.
One extra act, such as a weekday Mass, an hour of adoration, or a decade of the Rosary each day.
Friday penance: a small act of self-denial in honour of Christ’s Passion.

Monthly

Confession.
A meeting with your spiritual director, if you have one.
A work of mercy: visiting someone lonely, helping at a charity.

Yearly

A retreat, even just a day.
Particular attention to Advent and Lent.
Your baptismal anniversary or patron saint’s feast, as a day to renew your commitment.

Ongoing

Spiritual reading: one good book at a time, a few pages a day.
Giving: a regular commitment to the parish and to the poor.
Rest: real time off, sleep and leisure are part of a balanced life too.

An Example

A working parent might write something like:

Morning Offering on waking. Fifteen minutes of prayer with the day’s Gospel before the children wake. Grace at meals. Short night prayers with the children. Examen before sleep. Sunday Mass as a family; no work emails on Sundays. Friday: no meat, and pray for one person in need. Confession on the first Saturday of the month. One day of retreat each year, in Lent.

It is simple, specific and realistic.

When You Fail

You will not keep your rule perfectly. No one does. A rule is not a law that condemns you when you miss something. It is a trellis that supports growth. When you slip, simply begin again the next day.

St Benedict ended his Rule with a promise: to those who persevere, the way grows easier, and the heart expands “with the inexpressible sweetness of love.”