Catholic Life · Vocations

Is the Single Life a Vocation?

A Question Many Ask

Many Catholics are single. Some have never married and hope to one day. Some have chosen not to marry. Some are widowed or divorced. Some are single because circumstances, health or simply life have not led to marriage.

In parish life, which often focuses on families, single people can feel invisible. And when the Church speaks of “vocations,” it usually means priesthood, religious life and marriage. So single Catholics often ask: Where do I fit? Is my life a vocation, or just a waiting room?

What Is Certain

Before the debated question, some things are clear.

Every single person has a vocation to holiness. The most fundamental vocation of every Christian is the call to love God and neighbour and to become a saint. This comes with Baptism, not with marriage or ordination (Lumen Gentium 40). A single person is not a second-class Christian.

Single people belong fully to the Church. The Catechism speaks warmly of single people, many of whom live in circumstances “often not of their choosing,” and says they are “especially close to Jesus’ heart.” Elsewhere it notes that some remain unmarried to care for their parents or siblings, or to devote themselves to a profession (CCC 2231). It reminds the Church that “the doors of homes, the ‘domestic churches,’ and of the great family which is the Church must be open to all of them,” because “no one is without a family in this world” (CCC 1658).

Jesus and Paul were single. Jesus never married. St Paul wrote that he wished everyone could be unmarried like him, so as to be devoted to the Lord without distraction (1 Corinthians 7:7, 32–35). Christianity has always valued the unmarried life.

The Debated Question

Is the single life itself a vocation, in the same sense as marriage or religious life? Catholics give different answers.

Some say no, not in the strict sense. Marriage, Holy Orders and consecrated life all involve a permanent, public commitment: vows or a sacrament, received by the Church. The single life, in itself, usually does not. A person can be single today and married next year. On this view, the single life is a state of life, often temporary, rather than a vocation of its own. Some single people are still discerning, or waiting for marriage.

Others say yes. They point out that some people remain single throughout their lives and find in it their way of giving themselves to God and others. They argue that a life freely lived for God, whether or not it involves vows, can be a genuine calling. Some speak of a “dedicated single life,” in which a person consciously embraces singleness as their path to holiness, sometimes with private vows or promises.

The Church has not settled this question formally. What matters most is not the label, but how the life is lived.

Different Kinds of Single Life

It helps to distinguish different situations.

Single while discerning. Many young adults are single while they discern marriage or religious life. This is a time to grow in faith, friendship and maturity, not just to wait.

Single by circumstance. Many people hoped to marry but have not. This can bring real sadness, and it should not be brushed aside with platitudes. Yet God can work powerfully in a life that did not go as planned.

Single by choice for God. Some people freely choose to remain unmarried in order to give themselves more fully to God and others, without entering a religious community. Some make private vows; some become consecrated virgins or join a secular institute, which are formal forms of consecrated life.

Single again. Widowed and divorced people often find themselves single later in life. The Church has a long tradition of honouring widows, and many have become saints.

Living the Single Life Well

Whatever your situation, the single life can be full, fruitful and holy. Some practical suggestions:

Pray. Build a strong daily prayer life. Single people often have more freedom for prayer than parents of young children. (See What Is a Rule of Life?)
Give yourself. Love is the heart of every vocation. Look for ways to serve: in your parish, among the poor, as a godparent, a mentor, a friend, a carer.
Build real community. Loneliness is one of the hardest parts of single life. Invest in deep friendships, join a parish group, and do not be afraid to ask for company.
Be spiritually fruitful. Single people can be spiritual mothers and fathers to many, through teaching, mentoring, hospitality and prayer.
Bring your disappointments to God. If you long for marriage, tell God honestly. He does not ask you to pretend.
Live in the present. Do not put your life on hold until something changes. God’s call is for now.

A Word to Parishes

Parishes can do much to support single people: by not assuming every adult is married, by including single people in leadership and hospitality, by inviting them into family celebrations, and by remembering that the Church is a family where everyone belongs.

Every Life Can Be Given

St Paul’s words apply to every Christian, married or single: “None of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. If we live, we live to the Lord” (Romans 14:7–8). Whatever the label, a life given to God in love is never wasted.